American Experience

I saw a six part series on American Experience about Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln.  I wanted to watch it because it seemed like I knew so little about her except that she was supposedly mad.  The program was pretty interesting and informative and I feel like I have a little more information about her.  From what I saw and heard, its my opinion (I'm not a professional) that she might have been bi-polar.  Its indicative not only by her ups and downs but she was apparently a shopaholic.  That impulsive behavior is another sign of bi-polar disorder along with the severe mood swings.  Looks like she got into alot of debt and interestingly, her main concern about her huband not being re-elected was that he would find out about the thousands of dollars of debt she incurred. 

No doubt this woman suffered a great deal of loss.  She lost her mother at a young age which I believe may have been part of the cause of her instability as an adult.  After her 11 year old son Willie died, she became friends with a woman named Elizabeth Keckley.  She was African-American and also had a son who died.  Probably one of the most positive things I learned about Mary is that with Elizabeth, she became involved in helping former slaves.  Even though she grew up in a wealthy environment with slaves around her, she agreed with her husband that slavery was wrong and this work she was doing must have been a very positive thing in her life.

But the anxiety and spending continued, even public outbursts.  After her husband was killed, she pretty much went over the edge.  Imagine leaving the White House to go to the theater and then returning alone, without him.  She stayed there a month and then moved out without hardly anyone there to see her leave. .  I cant imagine how she must have felt.  And then to hear she rented different motel rooms until Robert had her declared insane and she went into Bellvue for two years.  Here she was the wife of the President who wrote the Amancipation Proclamation and caused the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution to come about and she's locked up.

After two years, she was released and she went to live with her sister in the house she grew up in.  Things had come full circle and she was alone.  She died at 64.  I believe if she were alive today, things would have been different for her.  There's medication for practically every type of mental illness and therapy might have helped her as well.  Her son would not have died of typoid and her husband might not have been assassinated, although we remember JFK.

I cannot imagine what Mary was actually going through but I think things could have turned out differently.  I dont think she needed to die in obscurity.  I believe had she continued with the work she began with Elizabeth Keckley, she would have found the purpose in her life that would have sustained her.  Imagine all the other women whose husbands died during the Civil War. She could have been a voice for them as well.  The country was working on reconstruction and she could have played an important role in that and continued in the work her husband began. She could have been remembered in her own right.   

I think the impression I was left with after watching this series is that at some point, you have to take your eyes off yourself or you wont survive.  Regardless of whatever grief ails us in our lives, we have to turn away from ourselves and direct compassion or pity as it may be, to others in need.  Mary was not the only one suffering during that time in history.  What of the women who perhaps lost all of their sons during the civil war?  And what was the war about?  It may not have started to end slavery but it became about slavery and even though Lincoln had to endure being labled as the widow maker, he pressed on to eradicate this evil thing.  And then evil returned for restitution and took his life.  Freedom is never free.  I wish someone had told Mary that the work her husband did was really greater than any of them and there's always a price to pay.  She could have lived in the realization of what her husband did and what he became in American history and she could have continued in that cause.

In whatever soberness of mind is left amongst the ashes of what a person's life may look like, that person will have to tell themself to play the hand they've been dealt and move forward.  And at some point, even though it may seem in the very distant horizon, the sun rises.  Lincoln didnt die in vain.  Neither did anyone who died in that war.  It takes courage to live this life, whether fighting for a noble cause or trying to overcome an addiction or going to a job you dont care much for.  But you keep going.  And at some point, as Hemmingway said, the sun always rises (even though he killed himself but that's another story).     

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to go down to skid row with a group of people to feed the homeless.  Before I went, I had to pick up a friend who lived in Bel Aire.  In one day I saw two extremes - opulent living and living on the street with nothing but the clothes on your back.  How odd that was. When we got to the mission, people were already lined up around the block for the food.  We walked from where we parked and you could smell the urine on the street.  Those that werent lined up for food were laying on the street, there were so many people.  I felt like I was in a different world. 

We put out the food and were able to feed a good amount of people but at some point, the food ran out.  We had to turn the rest away.  I felt horrible.  Driving home all I could think about is where are these people getting their next meal?  What about tomorrow and the day after?  I felt so ineffective in my effort to try to make a difference.  Did I go down there for myself?  To feel better about me and feel like a do-gooder? 

Funny how we complain about so much like sitting in traffic or how long the microwave takes to cook something or if the tv is on the fritz.  I think about my own life and how much I really have.  I'm a spoiled brat.  And I complain.  Lots of people would argue that people are on skid row because of drugs and they got themselves there but I dont think that makes it right.  I could have gotten into drugs and ended up there.  We all could have. 

What's the answer?  I have no idea.  Maybe our goal should be to try and find one.   

God IS Great

I read yesterday that Christopher Hitchens has died.  I remember seeing him on television being interviewed at times or debating with someone regarding his atheism.  I remember he was always mad.  At times he even came off as furious.  I guess he had alot of passion for his disbelief and became enraged at even the thought of anyone believing in a god much less the Almighty God that Christians based their belief system in.  As a Christian myself, I believe God exists, I believe He send His son Jesus to die for us on the cross and that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.  I believe there is a heaven and a hell and that satan exists also.  I believe by faith.  Hitchens couldnt believe because he couldnt reason faith out.  But faith and reason are two realms that will never meet.  Just like in math class, learning the definition of parallel lines - two lines that will never intersect.  That's how I see faith and reason.  But does that make someone who believes unreasonable?  Most atheists think so and therefore cannot allow themselves to believe in something they cannot see.  It would be so easy for God to show up physically on a daily basis and then everyone could believe because we would have the evidence of Him right before our eyes.  But He chose that we believe in Him by faith, by not being able to see with physical eyes. 

I wonder what Hitchens is thinking now.  I ponder on the moment when truth came to him and the blinders were removed and he saw for the first time, that he was wrong.  I believe it had to be an almost violent experience.  To now be in a hell that God never created for humans and to be there for an eternity, what must he be thinking?  I dont rejoice in the fact he's there.  I never liked Hitchens because of what he said about Christianity and his book - God is Not Great.  But it gives me no pleasure when any human is cast into a God-less eternity. 

We're given so much free will in this life and it seems almost to our detriment.  Sometimes for our own sakes, I wish God would take some of the free will away so we could stop being so rebellious and disobedient and trust in a God who loves us so much and who died for us.  But I'm not God and my ways are not His ways.  If this even grieves me, how much more a loving God who, despite Hitchen's hatred, still loved him.

Reality TV

It appears the end might be near for the Kardashian fun fest.  After all the hullabaloo with that wedding and for it to be over after 72 days, I think the public are starting to get a little wise.  There's an actual petition online to get the Kardashians off the air and I think about 95,000+ have signed it so far.  I also saw an article online with the headling "Why do talentless celebrities become stinking rich."  Because people watch them on tv, that's why.  People sit on their couch and watch other people live their lives.  That's pretty pathetic.  Ok, I'll be honest, I've watched some of these shows.  I even got sucked into Jersey Shore at one point only because it was so unbelievable what I was watching these "characters" do.  And these same characters have made alot of money.  I remember watching a few episodes of The Hills as well and those characters looked like they were in a coma compared to those on Jersey Shore. 

So a boycott of the Kardashians may ensue but we should really boycott alot of these reality shows.  There are a few that you might actually learn something from, like Million Dollar Listing.  That show could give one a glimpse of the real estate market and the negotiations involved, which is always interesting.  On Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice, you could learn a few business theories, if you listen carefully.  But outside of that, watching others get drunk, fight, piss and whine about silly things is a waste of time and we should all get off the couch and go live our own lives.

LuLu

I love the fall, my favorite season.  The weather gets a little crispy and its sweater time.  I know others love summer or spring for alot of different reasons but fall has always been special.  Since its the holiday season, I added the drawing on the right, by Anne Keenan Higgins, my favorite artist.  I love everything she does, especially a character she draws - LuLu.  She's the girl about town.  And she's a Republican.  Just kidding.  But I would have to guess that she would be someone independent, speaks her mind but is careful not to hurt or injure in any way.  She votes, as is her civic duty, knows about history and current events and cares about what's going on around her.  Maybe we create characters that we think we'd like to be.  Ask someone the type of character they would create and you would find out alot about them.  Because we instill a little of ourselves in them.  What we think is noble, important, valuable.  And besides, creating is our nature.

Pandering

"Each time that Mitt Romney changes his position on an issue to conform to the extremist consensus among his rivals for the Republican nomination for president, its one more sign that extremists now completely dominate the GOP and that there's no place any longer for moderates in that party."  Jan Ting, www.blog.cagle.com, Nov. 7, 2011.

Is this true?  Feels true.  Especially if you listen to crowd reactions at the debates.  I've written about this before and its still baffling to me.  I'd like to think that the extremist only make up a small part of the GOP and that they happen to cheer the loudest but now I'm wondering if I'm wrong or a little naive.  Are most Republican's extremists?  Or is it that the moderates remain silent?  And as long as they remain silent, no candidate will realize that their vote is important as well. 

I believe a candidate would garner more respect for standing on their own two feet instead of pandering to whatever group they feel they need to in order to win the election.  But John McCain did that and some say he didn't win the election because he was more of a centrist. 

So here we have a group of candidates who want to be the next president and I'm not really that impressed with any of them.  Its a little depressing.  Perry's oops was the biggest thing searched on YouTube.  Is this going to be his Howard Dean moment?  Whether it is or isnt, the question isnt which candidate is doing the best pandering, the question is, do their positions make sense and is it in the best interest of the Country?  I certainly hope that between now and next November, all voters will do enough homework to dig a little deeper into what each candidate is proposing. 

For starters, the flat tax issue....

Bigger or Smaller Gov't.

The group Project on Government Oversight reported that after looking at 35 federal jobs, they found that independent contractors "charge the government almost twice as much as what it would cost federal employees to do the same work."  The issue of privatizing (transferring from public or government control or ownership to private enterprise) has come up recently and I have to wonder if people are doing their homework. 

From the Britannica Encyclopedia on privatization: The objective is often to increase government efficiency; implementation may affect government revenue either positively or negatively. Privatization is the opposite of nationalization, a policy resorted to by governments that want to keep the revenues from major industries, especially those that might otherwise be controlled by foreign interests.http://www.answers.com/topic/privatization#ixzz1a7G2NPga

But if private contractors are really charging twice what it would cost the government, isnt this excess spending?  Is smaller government always the answer?  It sounds good but why don't we do more research instead of just clamoring for the government to get out of our way.  As mentioned in previous posts, I watch Fox News and there are commentators on there that push the smaller government idea and I believe many people watch and subscribe to that idea without doing any additional homework.  And then in the long run, we end up moving for something that may not be in the taxpayer's best interest.

Now there's the Occupy Wall Street movement that is picking up speed and it is being compared to the tea party.  CNN reported:

"When tea party rallies flared up across the country more than two years ago, conservative activists were mad about bailouts and their impact on the national debt. To them, government was part of the problem.

Occupy demonstrators are also upset about the financial crisis and the economy. But they see government as part of the solution."  http://www.cnn.com/2011/POLITICS/10/06/tea.party.left/index.html?hpt=hp_bn3

To one, government is the problem, to the other, government is the solution.  Who's right?

The report also stated that the Occupy group got its cues from the tea party on how to turn anger into action.  I thought that was a positive note.  Maybe its the taxpayers that will begin to come up with viable solutions because Congress doesnt seem to be able to.