Nuts on both sides

After the election, a co-worker of mine (who's 77 years old) was kicked out of her daughter's house because Obama won the election. Wow. That's the first time I've ever heard anything like that. I've known democrats to do weird things but this takes the cake. I have to believe the daughter is a little unbalanced to begin with. I mean, you would have to be. I had an incident with another co-worker at another job once who was a bleeding heart left wing nut. I mean nut with a capital "N." We went to lunch one day and apparently I said something conservative that she didnt like and she gave me the silent treatment after that for a few weeks. I kept asking her what was wrong and she said nothing. This when on until I decided to email her since email is non-confrontational (good for people who can't communicate). She said I said something that she didnt like and she knew that telling me wouldnt change my mind anyway and that she didnt want me to get mad. Get mad??? The silent treatment without telling me what was wrong wasn't making me mad???? I wrote her back after I got over the initial shock and told her that she was right, whatever she says would not change my opinions and that we should just agree to disagree. So after a few days she decided I was worthy of her kindness and started talking to me again. I decided to let the whole incident go away and didnt hold any grudges. It just showed to me why her marriage was in the dumps if she communicated in that passive agressive way and that she had more problems than I could help her with. The thing that stuck me is that democrats are so pro civil liberties and freedom of speech. Wasnt my freedom of speech taken away from me when my co-worker punished me for voicing an opinion? Are democrats pro free speech only if you say things that agree with them? Is that how it works? Ironically, I went to lunch with this same co-worker a few weeks later and I dont remember what we were talking about but she actually said that she was glad Ronald Regan got shot at. Wait a minute. So would she have been even happier if he was killed? Is that what I'm hearing? Now I know for a fact I never said anything that insane. Why was it ok for her to say that but I got punished for whatever conservative leaning thing I said??? I wish someone would explain this to me. Needless to say, I'm not friends with that person anymore (for other reasons). Bottom line - this country is divided and will stay divided. Both sides dont want to come together. If you're a democrat and lean to the center, you're criticized (Hillary Clinton). If you're a republican and are moderate, you're called names from the right. Maybe there should be a third party where centrists from both parties meet in the middle. Anything's possible.

You Can't Win Them All

I don't understand what happened. We were poised and ready to take a different direction from the last 4 years with a hope that someone new could come in and do something with this economy, this unemployment, these gas prices. Instead, people chose the same rock star they thought was going to save the world 4 years ago. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice ... We can only blame ourselves if nothing changes or things get worse in the next four years. And with no mandate, what's going to change? Its not that I'm a pessimist. I always try to hope for the best. But this President has proven that he doesnt know what to do. He talks about moving forward and there's still so much to do. What? He hasn't even started. In his speech at the Democratic Convention, Obama says that WE were the change in his "Change" motto in 2008. Oh, we were supposed to be the change. You're not the change, we're the change. We're supposed to make things happen in Washington. Got it now. Its all a bunch of rhetoric, we've heard it before and we're going to keep hearing it the next 4 years. *** What happened to the Republican base? The Evangelicals have been a force in the past. Did they not want a mormon in the White House? That was an issue. People didn't want to discuss it but it was an elephant in the room. I have to admit, I wasnt crazy about the idea myself but I wanted to hand the reigns over to someone else who might have been able to spur this economy and get people the jobs they need. *** So - I voted. *** I always vote. Its probably one of the most patriotic things you can do. People died in wars so we can have the freedom and a democracy. Regardless of the outcome, we still have a voice and a right to cast our vote for who we think can get the job done. I dont understand people who dont vote and there are alot of them. I meet them all the time. If you dont vote, you cant complain about what the current President is doing or not doing. Other countries wish they had the democracy we have and here we have it and trample it underfoot when we dont vote. That's how strongly I feel about it. Now I dont think that you should just randomly go vote for whatever or whomever but get informed about the candidates and what they believe or what they stand for. And then make an informed decision. But decide. And stand by it and never make any apologies.

American Experience

I saw a six part series on American Experience about Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln.  I wanted to watch it because it seemed like I knew so little about her except that she was supposedly mad.  The program was pretty interesting and informative and I feel like I have a little more information about her.  From what I saw and heard, its my opinion (I'm not a professional) that she might have been bi-polar.  Its indicative not only by her ups and downs but she was apparently a shopaholic.  That impulsive behavior is another sign of bi-polar disorder along with the severe mood swings.  Looks like she got into alot of debt and interestingly, her main concern about her huband not being re-elected was that he would find out about the thousands of dollars of debt she incurred. 

No doubt this woman suffered a great deal of loss.  She lost her mother at a young age which I believe may have been part of the cause of her instability as an adult.  After her 11 year old son Willie died, she became friends with a woman named Elizabeth Keckley.  She was African-American and also had a son who died.  Probably one of the most positive things I learned about Mary is that with Elizabeth, she became involved in helping former slaves.  Even though she grew up in a wealthy environment with slaves around her, she agreed with her husband that slavery was wrong and this work she was doing must have been a very positive thing in her life.

But the anxiety and spending continued, even public outbursts.  After her husband was killed, she pretty much went over the edge.  Imagine leaving the White House to go to the theater and then returning alone, without him.  She stayed there a month and then moved out without hardly anyone there to see her leave. .  I cant imagine how she must have felt.  And then to hear she rented different motel rooms until Robert had her declared insane and she went into Bellvue for two years.  Here she was the wife of the President who wrote the Amancipation Proclamation and caused the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution to come about and she's locked up.

After two years, she was released and she went to live with her sister in the house she grew up in.  Things had come full circle and she was alone.  She died at 64.  I believe if she were alive today, things would have been different for her.  There's medication for practically every type of mental illness and therapy might have helped her as well.  Her son would not have died of typoid and her husband might not have been assassinated, although we remember JFK.

I cannot imagine what Mary was actually going through but I think things could have turned out differently.  I dont think she needed to die in obscurity.  I believe had she continued with the work she began with Elizabeth Keckley, she would have found the purpose in her life that would have sustained her.  Imagine all the other women whose husbands died during the Civil War. She could have been a voice for them as well.  The country was working on reconstruction and she could have played an important role in that and continued in the work her husband began. She could have been remembered in her own right.   

I think the impression I was left with after watching this series is that at some point, you have to take your eyes off yourself or you wont survive.  Regardless of whatever grief ails us in our lives, we have to turn away from ourselves and direct compassion or pity as it may be, to others in need.  Mary was not the only one suffering during that time in history.  What of the women who perhaps lost all of their sons during the civil war?  And what was the war about?  It may not have started to end slavery but it became about slavery and even though Lincoln had to endure being labled as the widow maker, he pressed on to eradicate this evil thing.  And then evil returned for restitution and took his life.  Freedom is never free.  I wish someone had told Mary that the work her husband did was really greater than any of them and there's always a price to pay.  She could have lived in the realization of what her husband did and what he became in American history and she could have continued in that cause.

In whatever soberness of mind is left amongst the ashes of what a person's life may look like, that person will have to tell themself to play the hand they've been dealt and move forward.  And at some point, even though it may seem in the very distant horizon, the sun rises.  Lincoln didnt die in vain.  Neither did anyone who died in that war.  It takes courage to live this life, whether fighting for a noble cause or trying to overcome an addiction or going to a job you dont care much for.  But you keep going.  And at some point, as Hemmingway said, the sun always rises (even though he killed himself but that's another story).     

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to go down to skid row with a group of people to feed the homeless.  Before I went, I had to pick up a friend who lived in Bel Aire.  In one day I saw two extremes - opulent living and living on the street with nothing but the clothes on your back.  How odd that was. When we got to the mission, people were already lined up around the block for the food.  We walked from where we parked and you could smell the urine on the street.  Those that werent lined up for food were laying on the street, there were so many people.  I felt like I was in a different world. 

We put out the food and were able to feed a good amount of people but at some point, the food ran out.  We had to turn the rest away.  I felt horrible.  Driving home all I could think about is where are these people getting their next meal?  What about tomorrow and the day after?  I felt so ineffective in my effort to try to make a difference.  Did I go down there for myself?  To feel better about me and feel like a do-gooder? 

Funny how we complain about so much like sitting in traffic or how long the microwave takes to cook something or if the tv is on the fritz.  I think about my own life and how much I really have.  I'm a spoiled brat.  And I complain.  Lots of people would argue that people are on skid row because of drugs and they got themselves there but I dont think that makes it right.  I could have gotten into drugs and ended up there.  We all could have. 

What's the answer?  I have no idea.  Maybe our goal should be to try and find one.